


Safi's dinner party

by insertfruitpun



Category: The Witchlands Series - Susan Dennard
Genre: Bets, Dinner Party, Gen, I don't know, does that even surprise anyone anymore, wrote this instead of my multichapter fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27932170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertfruitpun/pseuds/insertfruitpun
Summary: Safi loses a bet and has to make dinner for all of her new friends and allies.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Safi's dinner party

Caden, that bastard, had gotten more raiders than she had. Either that, or Lev was in on the bet and knew to lie when asked. Safi wouldn't put it past the two of them. 

Especially not after she herself tried to convince Merik and Iseult to lie for her. Merik heard the words 'lying' and 'Caden' and he was immediately out. The Hell-Bard already didn't like him. There was no need to flare up that fire.

Iseult heard of the bet from Zander before Safi could ask her to get involved, and she thought it was hilarious. Absolutely no solidarity there.

Whether Lev lied or not, Safi still officially lost the bet, and that meant she had to make a dinner for their little missmatched alliance. Well, not so little anymore.

Safi always thought her and Iseult were a surprising pair, but that was nothing compared to the group of people sitting in Mathew's coffee shop after the official celebration.

A surprising number of them were royalty and nobility. An even more surprising number of them was Nubrevnan. Safi viewed it as a far away place, before...everything.

Sure, she'd met some Nubrevnans. But it wasn't the same as Cartorrans, among which she grew up. Even Vaness wasn't that big of a deal, because Habim was from Marstok. 

Having an actual Empress talking with her wasn't shocking anymore. Neither were the Nubrevnans. 

She still wasn't used to the mountain bat, though. She doubted she ever would be. Luckily, Blueberry didn't like human food, and he was absent for the evening. The Bloodwitch added that Owl wasn't a big fan of human food either. Safi didn't know if it was a joke.

She had yet to spend any meaningful amount of time around the kid. Iseult had periods of describing her like a demon, and then sometimes she was a delight. And she still wasn't clear on the whole Paladin business. The kid might as well not be human. Safi wouldn't know the difference.

Though, to be fair, Kullen seemed pretty willing to eat "human food", so perhaps that was just a joke. 

Actually, the Airwitch had been the most supportive of all, saying he couldn't wait and offering to help. She barely got Vaness and Merik, who she knew far better than him, to consider actually going into the coffee shop. They didn't even think she was serious at first, and there were some heavy implications that it was somehow below them. 

And Safi could deal with that from Vaness. She had every right not to want anything to do with Mathew and Habim, even if the two had left the place under Iseult's supervision for a few nights. They had yet to actually fully make up for the whole assassination thing, but it was nice of them.

Rather unwise, but nice. 

She did manage to convince Vaness and Merik in the end, which was a win. Merik promised he'd try to make his sister come too. 

Safi had to fight the urge to ask if Nubrevnans often declined food. She knew it wouldn't be fair to ask. Still, it took a lot more convincing than she thought. She didn't even know the Nubrevnan Queen well, but it was a part of the bet that everyone had to eat. 

Safi was the one who included that, simply because it would've been funny to see Caden try to be civil with Merik for the moment needed to ask him to dinner. She dug his grave deep, and then she fell into it. 

Another rule was that no help was allowed, simply because neither of them were stupid enough to assume their friends were as unskilled as they themselves were.

It would be so, so much easier if she could just pull Iseult, or hell, even Merik, into the kitchen with her. If nothing, it'd at least go faster.

They really didn't think the timing through. At all. The dinner was supposed to take place after the official celebrations in Veñaza were done. But the problem was that Safi had no time to cook beforehand. 

So instead she had about a dozen irritated people sitting together at one table while she cooked. The tables were thrown together in a haste, and Ryber got a bad chair and ended up falling when one of its legs broke. 

In hindsight, it was a horrible idea. It was in foresight, too, but it would've been so funny if it happened to Caden. Safi could just imagine him running around trying to get everyone to agree to come without making it seem like some sort of mass assassination attempt.

Merik was actually the one who pointed it out. He said that she was essentially inviting some of the most powerful people in the Witchlands to all be in the same place at the same time. And it did seem kind of suspicious when she thought about it, but what was the fun in thinking about it?

And nobody else seemed to have a problem with it anyway. Vaness rolled her eyes at the whole affair, but she wasn't that hard to convince. Leopold made a scene of being thankful for free food, even though he could get it any day just by walking into any tavern in Cartorra.

Safi had no idea what Vivia had to say about it, because Merik was the one who invited her. She did come though, so that was good. 

Well, good in the sense that it was nice to have everyone together outside of a battle. But it meant that Safi had to make even more food and that was bad.

Mostly because, as she learned quickly, cooking was hard. Sure, she could make a sandwich. Two sandwiches if she was feeling creative. Throw in a glass of juice and it was the extent of her food-related skills.

Honestly, what did those people even eat? Safi heard both Merik and Leopold complain about the menu at the official dinner party. Something about how it wasn't culturally inclusive.

And, like, if a group of paid professional cooks couldn't manage to be culturally inclusive, Safi would just manage to fuck it up even more.

She asked Merik for advice - that much wasn't forbidden - but for someone who enjoyed complaining about the menu earlier, he had absolutely no idea how to make one. The hypocrisy was astonishing, and Safi made sure to call him out on that.

She was pretty sure she heard Kullen continue where she stopped, which she was very glad for. It wasn't that she wanted Merik to be miserable, but why did she have to be the only miserable one that night?

He wasn't the only person Safi asked for ideas. Leopold gave a very detailed list of specials - none of which Safi had ever heard of or knew how to make.

"Polly," she said, "I need you to understand that the best I can do is mashed potatoes." Then he said that she _should_ do mashed potatoes and she kicked him out of the kitchen.

The next person she asked was Kullen, if only because he was so excited about the whole dinner thing. It felt cruel not to let him help.

And to her surprise, he actually listed a few things that didn't sound like pretentious meals that took two hours to make. Still, it definitely wasn't enough considering how many of their friends were going to eat.

Ryber was her saviour. Safi didn't know how she didn't ask her first. Of course the food at the convent was various and, as Merik would say, culturally inclusive.

Safi picked the easiest, fastest meals, and by the time she was done, Vaness was debating leaving and half of the room was at least very close to sleeping.

Nobody was really in the mood for eating, except Caden. Well, he was more in a mood for critiquing Safi's hard work, obviously. But when the others saw him eat, they dug in as well.

Safi's "menu" wasn't as long as it should've been, and there definitely wasn't enough for everyone. But nobody was actually hungry after having eaten at the official gathering.

It was very fortunate that they weren't saving themselves for her food, because a few potatoes and all the meat she could find (some was fish, some she wasn't even sure about) were barely enough for half of them to actually enjoy. She even threw in some half-cooked vegetables, but noone touched them. Fair enough.

Safi got a lot of compliments. More than she expected. Surprisingly, most of them were genuine. Even Merik actually liked it, even though he still claimed it wasn't a proper menu for such a diverse group. Safi responded by taking his plate away from him until he apologised, which caused uncontrollable laughter from Vivia. Safi was told that the queen had a lot of wine while waiting, something she could've figured out on her own. 

Safi never found out what she thought about the food because she got distracted by the conversation happening next to her halfway through and didn't finish her sentence. 

Caden, of course, had quite a few comments to make, but she didn't pay him too much attention. Everyone's a critic these days. Still, he ate all that was on his plate, minus the potatoes Lev stole "just to see if she could".

Leopold wasn't impressed by the food, which Iseult was kind enough to tell her, but still praised Safi endlessly. She could feel the falseness in his words, but the intention was good.

Vaness had absolutely no good intentions. She said right away that the meals were severely undercooked and that she wouldn't be surprised if she woke up with food poisoning. Ah, friendship. 

Iseult mostly complimented Safi on not setting anything on fire. Which, fair enough. If her threadsister wanted to ignore the subject of whether she liked the food or not, she could. 

It was pretty late by the time they'd finished eating. Safi wasn't the biggest fan of her own food either, but it wasn't awful. No one died. That meant it was a success. And it also meant that Caden would have to live with knowing he didn't humiliate her this time, which was an even bigger accomplishment.

And if she permanently deformed some of the kitchen equipment, it was worth it. Wasn't her kitchen, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Because apparently we all like cooking fics


End file.
